Healing From Grief & Loss by Deborah SmithWhen we feel stressed out, we tend to fall back into some of our more comforting habits or patterns (such as reaching for that bowl of ice cream or grabbing fast foods) , and we might slack off a bit on the healthier behaviors that we have been trying to keep on track with (such as regular daily exercise and cooking at home). Those things that feel difficult to us (which may require a bit extra will-power) get pushed to the side and we justify the easier options based on the fact that we had a hard day, or we have no time.
I often wonder, why do we "reward" ourselves with things that are not good for us? Often those things we consider a reward, or that we "earned", are things that will leave us feeling worse after we have had them.
Everybody is busy, and we have our daily struggles just to keep our bodies, minds and spirits in balance. But what happens when you add a major life trauma to that experience? What happens to your life's balance when your spouse becomes ill? What happens when the woman or man that you have lived with for 10 years has an affair and you decide to split? What happens when suddenly your job downsizes and you get laid off?
This is a time when your body can go into shock and begin to function quite differently. Your priorities shift and typically healthy habits are the last thing on the list. Getting proper nutrition during times of grief, or extreme stress, is one of the most important things you can do.
On, Novem
ber 15th, 2010, my father Bill Smith passed away. He had been struggling with lung cancer for almost 2 years and it was a very difficult and sad time for my family. He was only 68 and it felt like he was taken from us too soon. Before then, I had never known the grief of loss at this level. I had never experienced this depth of sadness or confusion and I can remember clearly that there were weeks that I felt simply lost, and did not want to get out of bed.
My family made all kinds of adjustments to incorporate this experience into our lives. We put our jobs on hold, we canceled all plans for months at a time, my sister and I traveled back and forth from Boston and New York to be at home, and my mother completely dedicated all of her time to helping him with whatever he might need. She spent a year with doctors and treatments and hospitals and therapies, trying to breathe hope back into everyone's life. In the meantime, she put her own needs completely on hold and selflessly cared for him.
When I look back now, there are so many things that we could have done differently. I would have made absolutely sure that my mother, my sister and I were getting solid nutrition. I could not see it at the time, but we were exhausted, drained and totally empty from stress and crying. Our adrenal glands were zapped. Instead of eating fresh greens and getting minerals and nutrients into our systems, we were drinking coffee in the morning and gin and tonics at night. We were seeking relief but we were further depleting ourselves.
I would have demanded that the entire family get out once a day and take a walk to calm our minds and move our bodies. We were full of pent up anxiety and our minds were bent trying to figure out how long my father would be with us and what else we could still do to make him feel better. We needed to relax a bit and work out some of our frustrations.
I would have made more time for laughter. While lung cancer is one of the uncurable cancers and even the thought of somebody having it feels like a death sentance, the fact remains that my father was still with us until the end. I think that the fear we all felt made it difficult in times to just enjoy each other's company and smile and laugh.
Yet, you cannot change the past and all I can do now is incorporate this information into my future. I can learn to support my body in times of extreme stress with healthy foods. I can maintain an exercise regimen that will always help me to keep a feeling of balance in my body and I can focus on the bright side of the day, seeking moments of lightness and laughter to replace the heaviness of the changes that are inevitable in life.
I'm co-teaching a class at
the Meta Center on Thursday night with Cindy Neder-Highfield as part of our
Women's Holistic Nourishment Series. The subject is Healing From Grief & Loss, and how nutrition can support us through the incomparable weight of depression. We will take a look at how stress works chemically in the body and what small everyday things we can do to keep our lives on track when dealing with the loss of a loved one, or a job, or perhaps just going through a rough break-up that is life-changing.
I hope you will join us for this 2 hour workshop, which will be fun and full of great content
and tools for you to take home to incorporate into your own life. This class can also be helpful for women who are dealing with highly stressful job scenarios or who have children and are not yet back on track with taking care of their own bodies and minds.
If you have any questions or want to learn more about the workshop, visit us at
Majestic Living.
Until then, I wish you healthy and happy blessings. Remember there is a choice in every moment.
Deborah
